I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize