honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
