Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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