Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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