he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
