I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
