and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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