I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
