After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize