I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
