we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ate ashes out of my bong
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
