i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
