dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
