your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
