No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
