We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
