we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please come you make the beer taste better
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
