if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
