I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need help removing her.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
