if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize