oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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