i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
