Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
