Having a random hookup so left but love u
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
