So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
