Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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