I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
