If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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