conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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