you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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