at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
