It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
