I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
