my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
