boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
