Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
