he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize