he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
