life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
