doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
