I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
