I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
