I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
