Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
