It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
