Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
