Please, let me fuck your mom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
