the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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