Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
