My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
