Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
