i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
