I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
