Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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