During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
