My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
