The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
