also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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