i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
