OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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