a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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