dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
