Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
