we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if only i could text you this smell
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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