i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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