my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
