they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
