ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
