I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
