ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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