Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
