what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
