i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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