I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
