Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
