Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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