So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
